fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she peed on how many people?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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