I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
