mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
