i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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