you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
