is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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