from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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