Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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