We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize