What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
