As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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