Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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