Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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