I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
