There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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