I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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