dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How does one acquire holy water?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
