i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
