PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
