Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
