matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
