Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
