Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
