new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
