just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
