We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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