The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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