I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
