His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize