Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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