Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
