STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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