wanna go halves on a baby?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
