Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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