If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
