woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
