Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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