i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
