Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
