i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
