I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize