He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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