Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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