We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
