ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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