I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
