Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
