can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
