I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
