Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
