vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
