Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
