Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
