you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
