Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
