Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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