please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
