My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
