why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
