dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
