i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
