I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
