THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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