Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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