just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize