I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
