Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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