when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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