I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
