I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize