Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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