This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
