btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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