did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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