I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
