THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize