He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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