Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
