Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize