I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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