You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is the high leading the old right now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Damn victory sex feels great
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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