I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
