just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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