I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
