I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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