Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
