you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
