My balls are so social today.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
