no you cant smoke seaweed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
