What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
